| it's always a sad day.. |
[Jul. 10th, 2006|09:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
when you realize there is one less person in the world that you can trust, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed right now, but I'm sure I'll get over it |
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| first day of the rest of my life |
[Jul. 10th, 2006|04:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | apartment | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Me & U ~ Cassie | ] |
oh livejournal, where have you been?
don't know why I decided to put something in here today, just felt like it I guess, I woke up on the right side of the bed this morning and got a lot done:
woke up around 7am, which is more like my usual bedtime, and went for a nice run around campus, came back to the apartment and got a shower before heading to the library, once there I worked on a philosophy paper that was due at 1pm. I got that done with time to spare, but the kicker was that I hadn't been to this class since the first week of the quarter, so when I walked in to the room I half expected that today may be the midterm (since it doesn't say when it'll be on the syllabus), and sure enough, it was, EEK!
well, I think I did ok on it, considering how little studying I did for it. If I get a C I'll be happy and make up for it on the final, which is weighted at 40% of the total grade.
now I have to watch the Al Gore movie, An Inconvenient Truth, and take notes on it for English, then I'll be done for the day!
do me a favor, anybody that reads all this, just leave me a comment so I know if anyone actually did, or if I'm just talking to myself. It probably doesn't matter either way but I'd love to know if you liked my little story!!! |
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| Two years later... |
[Nov. 14th, 2005|02:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Victory ~ Lloyd Banks, Biggie, 50 | ] |
today is the two year anniversary of the day I had surgery to remove a cyst
It feels really weird, because I remember it like yesterday, and I can't believe it has been two years already, and I just don't feel like I've accomplished much in that time
but things are getting better and hopefully I can use this memory as motivation to keep trying harder to meet my goals, because I made a lot goals that I wanted to meet when I was laying in that hospital bed, and maybe if I remind myself of how determined I felt back then, then it will help me to move forward.. |
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| yay for strong starts; hoping for a strong finish |
[Oct. 20th, 2005|02:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | animal chin | ] |
I got a 88% on my first Music midterm, and a 29/30 on my first geography map quiz, so even though I haven't been putting as much effort as I could into my school work so far this quarter I am still keeping up with stuff, and I have two midterms next thursday so hopefully I can do good well on those
my problem has never been with the start of the quarter, where I usually do my best, it is always at the end when I just lose interest or want to get things over with and I slack more, so that is my big goal this quarter: to stay strong throughout and finish with at least A's and B's
I would make my mommy SO proud |
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| O RLY? |
[Aug. 29th, 2005|04:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mutemath - Control | ] |
Yes, Really!
I have just completed my first evAr FLAWLESS quarter of college:
- 100% class attendance, even on days when I knew there was nothing important happening, I made the 30 minute drive to campus because I knew it was what I had to do
- straight A's, 4.00, however you want to say it, I kicked ass and took names; OK so it was only two classes, but they were my first A's at THE Ohio State University, and definitely not the last, but nonetheless a huge step in the right direction
- Read My Lips: NO MORE DEFICIENCY POINTS!! I finally got rid of the 20 or so that I had, and thankfully I won't be worrying about whether or not I'm going to get dismissed (NICE TRY, OHIO STATE! YOU AREN'T GETTING RID OF ME THAT EASILY!!)
Overall, what I REALLY learned this quarter is how hard I have to work to accomplish my academic goals, now if I could just pick a major....... but one thing at a time I guess.
otherwise, things are fine, me and Eryn have had our ups and downs, but we're still together and I'm happy about that. right now I'm just working and hanging out for a little while until school starts again, oh and I have to move into my apartment in two weeks, that should be fun, I can't wait to live on campus again, it feels like home!
Love you all,
Ben |
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| not feeling so hot |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|04:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nauseated | ] |
I think my stomach is trying to secede from the union of my body, it hurts like hell and I just want to lay down but I'm stuck at the library again until class starts, and I have to type a paper that is due in one hour. Thank the lord my week is done after this class, I need some down time. |
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| work |
[Jul. 27th, 2005|02:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sounds of the computer lab | ] |
I've been working at Jersey Mikes for the past two weeks. It's been pretty good so far. Today was crazy because somebody ordered 50 subs at 10am and wanted them by 11:30. Despite that we still did pretty good and got them all done and delivered by noon. And my mom came in for lunch with a couple of her friends, which was nice, and I made their food for them.
Every day after work I come to the library for about 4 hours until my class starts. I don't mind because I usually have a lot of school work to do during that time, but I'm ready for friday so I can have a day off from work and school. |
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| I actually like this quiz |
[Jul. 21st, 2005|05:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | library sounds | ] |
1. Reply with your name and I will write something random about you.
2. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I will pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I will tell you my first memory of you.
6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll then ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. Put this in your journal, or else! |
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| Every moment I’m awake the further I’m away |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|03:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Heart | ] |
"These dreams go on when I close my eyes
Every second of the night I live another life
These dreams that sleep when it’s cold outside
Every moment I’m awake the further I’m away"
I listened to this song again recently, and it brought back warm memories of a very special person and a very special moment in my life, one of those rare moments that you wish you could just live in, or never wake up from.
I've had a lot of bad dreams lately. Nothing specific ever happens, but they are always dark and disturbing, and I wake up suddenly, trying to differentiate the dream from reality. And when I finally do regain my senses, I am usually disappointed, somehow wishing that I could have remained in the dream, however uneasy it might have been, because I feel like I rather take my chances in the dream than in the real world.
But sometimes I do have good dreams, and they always take place, without fail, in Cancun. I've only been there twice, and it wasn't exactly "Heaven on Earth", but it was relaxing, and it was far away from everything else that I knew (almost Neverland-ish). I don't know why I only have good dreams involving that place, but it seems that it is what my brain relates happiness to, and I swear I have woken up with a smile after having a dream about it, only to lose that smile when I realize I wasn't actually there. I will go back there someday.
I just received an e-mail from my Mom, she says my Grandmas boyfriend had a stroke today while playing golf. I don't know anything more than that. I hope he is going to be ok. He is a nice guy and has meant the world to my Grandma ever since my Grandpa died about 5 years ago. I know she is going to be worried sick about him. |
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| Jimmy V |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|12:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | thoughtful | ] |
"When people say to me how do you get through life or each day, it's the same thing. To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. Number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week , you're going to have something special." |
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| I made a good impression, my boss did not... |
[Jul. 5th, 2005|11:28 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sounds of the library | ] |
So I was supposed to start my new job today, at the Jersey Mikes on Lane Ave. I had received an e-mail from my boss about a week ago that said we would have paid training today and tomorrow, starting at 10am. I woke up kinda late (9:15am) and had to race through my shower, out of my house, and down 670 to make it there on time, which I did, about 2 minutes before 10am.
And when I got there, what did I find???
Absolutely nothing. No boss. No other employees, just me standing in an empty parking lot, waiting. And I waited for about 5 minutes until I decided to give my boss a call and see what was up. I believe his wife answered, I'm not really sure who it was, but she gave him the phone and he sounded as if he had just woken up. He told me he was really sorry, but there wouldn't be any training this week, and he had meant to send an e-mail to everyone, but he had had a busy holiday weekend (drinking, I assume, as this guy is only about 30 and was a little bit of a party boy in college) so he never got around to sending an e-mail to let everyone know it wouldn't be until possibly next week. :mad:
I'm not that upset right now, but I was about an hour ago, simply because it would have required little to no effort for him to send an e-mail, but I had to bust my ass to get there on time only to find out I had made a pointless trip, and now I have to stay on campus for about 8 hours until my class starts, because there is no reason to drive back home and then have to drive back tonight at 6pm. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 6th, 2005|11:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | determined | ] |
| [ | music |
| | NBA playoffs (I hate Detroit!) | ] |
There’s no need to strive for perfection
‘Cause you’re perfect the way you are
There’s no need to look for outside affection
‘Cause if you look inside yourself it will not be far
There’s no need to change
To meet the expectations everyone puts on you
And though that may seem strange
It’s because you’ve been programmed to
Believe in a certain way about how you live your life
And act in a way others think you should
But all that does is cause stress and strife
And affects you in ways you never thought it could
Like causing you to think your self-esteem is low
Or that you’re insecure
Then it causes you to doubt what about yourself you know
And shuts down your efforts to ever go for more
So if you think you would like to improve
Do it for you and no one else
Because you have nothing to lose
By improving yourself
So when that all becomes clear inside your mind
You’ll become the person you’ve kept hidden
And a peace within yourself you’ll find
‘Cause now you know being you isn’t forbidden |
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| I <3 my friends |
[May. 11th, 2005|08:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the Dodgers game on ESPN | ] |
I have some of the best friends ever, and I don't know why I forget that sometimes, but I was reminded of it today.
Thank you sooooo much for my hat Lisa, I absolutely LOVE IT! I wore it all the way home, until it started pouring rain, which was basically a few seconds after you walked inside..
So yeah, I haven't updated in awhile, I haven't had a whole lot I wanted to say, but hopefully I will start updating more often now.
I'm working at the Petco at Lennox, only worked one day so far, but it has been interesting. I saw a rat in the stock room while I was watching training videos last friday, apparently it is a problem the store has had for a while now.
Things have been going good with Eryn, I can't believe it has been almost 2.5 months already. We have been through a lot so far, but right now everything is fine.
On a very sad note, one of my friends from high school was killed in Iraq over the weekend, more specifically on Mothers Day, and that is when his family was notified... I don't know what exactly happened, other than he was on patrol and was attacked, and another soldier was killed along with him... It must be so hard for his family right now, I really feel for them and I just can't believe that someone I knew and talked to is now dead because of this war. I know people die everyday, but this was the first one to really hit home for me, and I feel terrible about it. Here is the article from the Columbus Dispatch:
( Read more... )
That's all for now, I'll leave you with this lovely picture of me and my new hat...
 |
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| Addicted to failure |
[Apr. 12th, 2005|01:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | silence | ] |
Those of you who are close to me know that I wear a chain around my neck, on which I keep my grandfathers wings that he recieved for flying in combat in WWII. I first started wearing it because I kept hearing how similar the two of us were, at least as far as our personality. I never had a chance to actually meet my grandpa, he died of a stroke when my dad was in his early 20's. But from all the stories I hear about him from family, he was everything that I would hope to be when I am older, including a pilot, and a very distinguished one at that.
But lately, when I wear my chain, it feels very heavy on me, almost Frodo-esque, like it is some burden that I am not living up to. And I hate that feeling. I hate thinking about how ashamed my grandpa would be of me right now.
I have been a major disappointment lately, to just about every single person I care about. I have been an unsupportive boyfriend, a poor student, a bad son, an inconsistent employee, and, worst of all in my opinion, a terrible friend.
And the sad part is that I don't see myself getting any better at these relationships until I make some serious changes in my life, some of which won't be easy, some of which may be completely devastating for some time.
But there are just certain things I need to change about myself. The first being that I have an extremely addictive personality. I become easily addicted to particular drinks, foods, habits, people... but most of all, I seem to be addicted to failure. It's like some big cozy blanket that I can just wrap myself up in, because once you fail at something then there aren't as many expectations for you to do well, you can just give up and it doesn't matter anymore. So I somehow manage to sabotage myself whenever I seemingly have things under control.
And that is what I have done for so long now that I can't even remember the last time I really tried hard at something. And I just don't know how I am supposed to be able to love anyone else when I don't even love myself.
So from this moment forward my only major concern has to be the progression of my college education. If I try to focus on anything else, or on trying to make everyone else around me happy, when I'm not even happy myself, then I will surely fail just as I have in the past.
I apologize to anyone who thought I was a stronger person than this, I guess we were both mistaken.. |
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| sick of being sick |
[Mar. 23rd, 2005|02:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | still sick... | ] |
| [ | music |
| | silence | ] |
sigh... still not feeling too good, my throat isn't as sore today, but my nose is still all stuffed and I could barely breathe when I woke up this morning, but then I took some medicine and felt a little bit better...
I'm actually about to take some alka-seltzer cold stuff right now, it is the kind that dissolves in water and it tastes awful... alright, here I go...
uuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
that was nasty...... I can't even describe it...... I just hope this cold goes away by friday
( Read more... ) |
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| Leaving on a jet plane |
[Mar. 22nd, 2005|09:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
I am 20 3/4 today, only 3 more months until 21!
I'm having a good time in Biloxi, except for being horribly sick the past couple days, I actually started feeling bad on friday, but it didn't really hit me until yesterday morning... at least the weather is really warm down here, I love being able to wear shorts again
I wrote my entry from sunday, its long so I used the LJ cut, i'll write my entry for monday either later today or tomorrow, I'm just too sore to do it right now, but I have tons of pictures to post, so stay tuned for that
Eryn called and woke me up this morning, it was great to hear her voice first thing, but as soon as I tried to say hello I realized that I could barely breath because my throat hurt so much (grr)
hopefully this goes away soon so I can enjoy the rest of my break, I've already started thinking about having to go back to school next week..
I went to Eryn's middle school play (she was assistant director) on Friday night in Worthington, it was pretty good, all the kids were really into it and put on a very entertaining performance, I was surprised by how much I liked it, because I really didn't know what to expect, and I was happy for her that they did a good job, here is a pic I took of some kids putting their makeup on and goofing around:
I'll update about yesterday and today either tonight or tomorrow, right now I need to go get some breakfast.. assuming I'm able to swallow.. :(
my entry for Sunday, March 20th
( Read more... ) |
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| So amazing |
[Mar. 16th, 2005|03:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 50 of course | ] |
Summer, winter, spring, and fall
I'll be around to catch ya calls
Cause you're my baby (you're my baby)
And I adore you
You always brighten up my day
I never ever let you wait
Cause you're my baby (you're my baby)
And you're amazing (so amazing)
[Verse 1- 50 Cent]
I'm from city to city to shop the show
See me I been glidin' across the globe
I hustle hard to get the grib fa sho'
So when I make time to call you, you should pick up the phone
Tell me, whats on your mind when you're alone
Have ya touchin' on yourself, girl all in the zone
Now if I told you all
What things I say would I be wrong
Well then I wouldn't be right
Matter fact I'd be on the next flight
Tryna get it on with you tonight
Do the things you like
Touch the right spot, have ya piped and hot
While the wind blow through your hair in the drop
Just lay back, relax to the sounds of the sex
And let me to what I do until you climax
You can go straight to sleep after its all over
In the mornin' roll over and we can start over
[Chorus- Olivia]
Summer, winter, spring, and fall
I'll be around to catch ya calls
Cause you're my baby (you're my baby)
And I adore you
You always brighten up my day
I never ever let you wait
Cause you're my baby (you're my baby)
And you're amazing (so amazing)
[Verse 2- 50 Cent]
Yeah I called just to say hope you havin' a nice day
You're special, I get into you, oops I mean I'm into you
Every chance I get, I find time to spend with you
Jet to bring you to me, just to watch a movie
Better yet to watch you climb into the jacuzzi
Bubbles in the bath, don in the glass
Funny how time flies when you full of laughs
Its fun but before long, a nigga gotta dash
For the lifestyle I live, a nigga need cash
To come quick, so I don't fuck with the stash
I know you like pumps and boots
I like jeeps and coupes, so I grind all the time, just gimme some loot
I put a spell on you, I like to call it a spell
In the bedroom, workin' it well, I don't kiss and tell
But I don't care if you kiss and tell
You can tell your girlfriend the details |
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| Happy 311 Day! |
[Mar. 11th, 2005|06:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | what else would it be on 311 day? | ] |
to celebrate, I have a random collection of logos and band photos for your viewing pleasure, enjoy!
also, Happy Birthday to my good friend Aaron Parker, who is now 21... heaven help us!
:P |
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| bump it with a trumpet |
[Mar. 9th, 2005|02:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Never there ~ Cake | ] |
So, where to begin... I guess at the beginning... that's always a good place to start...
( Read more... ) |
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cadbury311's journal